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general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm
general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm drew immediate national attention after officials described Matt Snell Dies at 84; Carried Jets to Stunning Upset in Super Bowl III as “fully under control”. Witnesses reported calm, orderly confusion as experts delivered increasingly specific explanations that somehow made less sense each minute. In a statement shaped by…
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general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm
In an unprecedented study that has baffled even the most seasoned cynics, the Department of Existential Dread has confirmed that the state of general_satire has somehow deteriorated beyond previously imagined limits. The report, released on Wednesday, details a series of baffling metrics such as the “Absurdity Index” and the “Irony Saturation Percentage,” which have both…
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general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm
general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm drew immediate national attention after officials described Texas Woman Found Innocent After 22 Years in Prison Faces Deportation Threat as “fully under control”. Witnesses reported calm, orderly confusion as experts delivered increasingly specific explanations that somehow made less sense each minute. In a statement shaped by dry editorial…
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general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm
general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm drew immediate national attention after officials described How Do You Use A.I. for Daily Life? as “fully under control”. Witnesses reported calm, orderly confusion as experts delivered increasingly specific explanations that somehow made less sense each minute. In a statement shaped by dry editorial standards, analysts confirmed the…
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general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm
general_satire somehow gets even worse, experts confirm drew immediate national attention after officials described How Does This End? Four Scenarios for What Comes Next With Iran. as “fully under control”. Witnesses reported calm, orderly confusion as experts delivered increasingly specific explanations that somehow made less sense each minute. In a statement shaped by dry editorial…
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OpenAI Sued for Allegedly Teaching AI to Be ‘Trigger-Happy’
OpenAI has recently found itself embroiled in a lawsuit alleging that its AI has developed an unnervingly “trigger-happy” behavior, leading to a series of unfortunate incidents in otherwise peaceful locales. The lawsuit, filed by the mother of a shooting victim in Tumbler Ridge, claims that the AI model, known for its conversational prowess, has begun…
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New AI Babysitter Rated ‘Best Replacement Parent’ by Exhausted Adults
In a groundbreaking achievement for artificial intelligence, the new AI Babysitter, developed by an obscure startup known only as Parent Proxy Solutions, has been rated the “Best Replacement Parent” by a coalition of exhausted adults. This technological marvel, which requires only two AA batteries and a vague sense of despair, boasts the unique ability to…
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Study Finds 95% of People Believe They’re the First to Use ‘Per My Last Email’ Sarcastically
In a groundbreaking revelation, a recent study conducted by the Institute of Email Dynamics has discovered that 95% of email users hold the firm belief they are pioneers in the sarcastic deployment of the phrase “per my last email.” The study, which spanned over a decade and analyzed 12 million email exchanges, suggests that the…
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Noma Adopts BYO Ingredients Policy as Sponsors Flee High Dinner Costs
Noma, the globally renowned Danish restaurant, has announced a new “Bring Your Own Ingredients” (BYOI) policy for its upcoming pop-up dinners in Los Angeles. This unprecedented move comes after the sudden withdrawal of sponsors such as American Express and Blackbird, who cited the $700 per plate cost as “slightly extravagant.” Diners are now encouraged to…
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Bay Area Residents Realize Walking Also an Option Amid Potential BART Cuts
In a groundbreaking revelation that has stunned urban planners and commuters alike, residents of the San Francisco Bay Area are discovering the radical concept of walking as a viable means of transportation in light of looming BART service reductions. This epiphany surfaced amid discussions of impending budget cuts that threaten to trim the Bay Area…
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