{"id":2000,"date":"2025-10-05T07:49:40","date_gmt":"2025-10-05T12:49:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/?p=2000"},"modified":"2025-10-05T07:49:40","modified_gmt":"2025-10-05T12:49:40","slug":"professional-wrestler-announces-new-record-for-quietest-silence-broken-after-grappling-with-own-mortality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/professional-wrestler-announces-new-record-for-quietest-silence-broken-after-grappling-with-own-mortality\/","title":{"rendered":"Professional Wrestler Announces New Record for Quietest Silence Broken After Grappling with Own Mortality"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Greensboro, NC \u2013<\/strong> In a subdued ceremony attended by several dozen fans, veteran professional wrestler Tommy \u201cThe Sledgehammer\u201d Dugan quietly announced that he has broken the world record for Quietest Silence Broken, following what organizers described as a nearly undetectable moment of reflection during which he grappled with his own mortality. Witnesses confirm that the silence, clocked at an imperceptible 0.00034 decibels above ambient noise, was measured using advanced microphone arrays and independent noise adjudicators.<\/p>\n<p>Dugan\u2019s feat came during an unscheduled intermission at the All-Carolina Slamfest, when, according to promoter statements, \u201cthe athlete was overtaken by a unique and soul-piercing vacancy.\u201d Arena staff observed Dugan seated alone in the center of the ring, head bowed and motionless, for what was later officially timed at 71 seconds and 4 milliseconds before the silence was broken by a sound, authorities later concluded, \u201csimilar in frequency and amplitude to the imagined clicking of cosmic dust.\u201d Dr. Linda Traskle, chair of the newly formed Committee for Acoustic Integrity in Performance Sports, said, \u201cIt was a decibel level we typically reserve for existential crises or possibly expired batteries.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Guinness officials, who certified the record via encrypted fax, remarked that the prior record for Quietest Silence Broken had been held by an amateur chess player whose meditative coughing nearly shattered the soundless interval. Dugan\u2019s team credits a stringent regimen of introspection, meditation, and \u201cabsolute denial regarding his own impermanence\u201d for fine-tuning his performance. \u201cHe\u2019s trained to empty his mind of all thoughts, especially lucrative endorsement opportunities, then abruptly acknowledge the void\u2014softly, almost apologetically,\u201d explained coach and part-time metaphysician Barry Velasquez. The sound technicians, meanwhile, reported unusual technical difficulties, citing that their meters \u201cwept softly\u201d during calibration.<\/p>\n<p>However, critics have noted several disquieting side effects from the event. Local wildlife biologists have documented a minor migration of crickets away from the coliseum, citing \u201cunexpected atmospheric stillness.\u201d Security footage captured several fans quietly exiting, reportedly unsure whether the main event had begun, ended, or existed. Medical reports, provided by the on-site paramedic, referenced cases of \u201cacute and contagious ennui\u201d among those seated within five rows of the silent epicenter. City council issued a provisional warning for \u201cpotential existential disturbances\u201d in the downtown corridor.<\/p>\n<p>By press time, Dugan had given no further comment, other than a single breath heard only by those who, according to local legend, \u201ctruly listen.\u201d The arena remains open, but ticket-holders are now required to sign waivers acknowledging that silence, once broken, can never be replaced.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Greensboro, NC \u2013 In a subdued ceremony attended by several dozen fans, veteran professional wrestler Tommy \u201cThe Sledgehammer\u201d Dugan quietly announced that he has broken the world record for Quietest Silence Broken, following what organizers described as a nearly undetectable moment of reflection during which he grappled with his own mortality. Witnesses confirm that the [&hellip;]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1999,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5606,7322,5561],"tags":[1504,7811,93,5461,7266,7812],"class_list":["post-2000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment","category-philosophy","category-sports","tag-absurdity","tag-professional","tag-satire","tag-silence","tag-sports","tag-wrestling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2000"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2001,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2000\/revisions\/2001"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1999"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2000"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2000"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fraudulenttimes.com\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2000"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}