World Leaders Convene for Historic Summit on Strategic Ignorance, Promise to Reschedule After Every Leak

Geneva, Switzerland – An unprecedented gathering of world leaders commenced—or nearly did—on Monday, as presidents, prime ministers, and sovereign holograms assembled for the inaugural Summit on Strategic Ignorance. Convened at the behest of the International Council for Willful Forgetfulness (ICWF), the summit was designed to foster the deliberate cultivation of administrative unknowingness in global affairs. However, officials confirmed that the opening session has been indefinitely postponed following yet another “highly regrettable” information leak regarding participants’ talking points, dietary restrictions, and previously unregistered emotional support animals.

The ICWF, established during the brief but influential Era of Beneficial Oblivion, drafted the summit’s agenda in strict adherence to the “Not Knowing Is Half the Game” doctrine. “Our aim is to understand what it means, both practically and spiritually, to not know things together,” explained Dr. Edwin Pell, lead ignorance strategist for the United Kingdom. “Clear lack of knowledge, when properly synchronized, can avert misunderstandings and foster truces of unparalleled vagueness.” Delegates received “Preparation Packets” containing blank briefing books and empty USB sticks labeled “Nothing to See Here.”

Despite these efforts, details soon began to surface in the international press by midmorning. Journalists acquired transcripts purportedly documenting an opening keynote in which Italy’s Prime Minister requested to be left out of all summaries “for plausible deniability.” Hours later, a full minute-by-minute schedule appeared online, allegedly revealing the controversial “Closed-Brainstorm on Selective Oblivion,” punctuated by scheduled bouts of collective forgetfulness. The summit’s organizing committee, alarmed by the breadth of the leaks, convened an emergency non-disclosure circle, which collapsed after an unsigned post-it marked “Loose lips have consequences” was found stuck to the Chancellor of Germany’s sleeve.

Experts remain divided on the future of coordinated ignorance as a diplomatic tool. “Every time we prepare not to learn, someone inevitably discovers,” lamented Professor Heloise Grangel, author of ‘The Power of Not Knowing: Memoirs of a Deliberate Diplomat.’ Grangel’s latest studies suggest that 83% of participating leaders could not recall their nation’s intended stance on ignorance by the commencement time, although 97% remain “open to forgetting anew at a rescheduled meeting.” Meanwhile, summit security teams have begun randomizing door locations and replacing credential badges with blank squares to minimize “accidental recognition events.”

As the summit adjourned without ever formally opening, hosts distributed commemorative erasers stamped with the official motto: “We Promise We Had No Idea.” The ICWF has indicated that a follow-up conference is tentatively rescheduled for a date that will not be publicly announced, discussed in private, or remembered by attendees. Diplomatic observers expect the cycle to continue, provided no one recalls why the gathering was needed in the first place.