Vince McMahon Unveils New WWE Character Based on His Therapist’s Therapy Goat, Fans Question Reality

Stamford, CT – WWE chairman Vince McMahon surprised viewers Wednesday evening by introducing a new wrestling persona, “Dr. Billie the Therapy Goat,” a character reportedly inspired by his personal therapist’s support animal. The unexpected debut during the flagship “Monday Night Raw” immediately prompted confusion among fans and industry analysts alike, many of whom expressed concern over the boundaries between entertainment and clinical mental health practices.

According to WWE insider Steven Castellano, McMahon, 78, became enamored with the goat—named Billie—during a mandated series of executive wellness check-ins following last year’s Board of Directors wellness audit. Citing “her unmistakable poise,” McMahon convened an emergency creative summit in April to develop a wrestling character based on what he called “the only therapist, of any species, who’s been able to get through to me.” Sources confirm initial pitches included a therapy sheep and a guidance iguana, but McMahon reportedly insisted, “It’s always been Billie. I feel safe near her musk.”

The character, portrayed in-ring by veteran performer Simon “Sim” Gladstone in a full quadrupedal goat suit, was introduced without preamble during Raw’s third hour. Accompanied by real-world therapist Dr. Loretta Munsch DSW, who appeared ringside holding a bowl of hay, Dr. Billie’s debut consisted of an unbroken 13-minute stare at the camera while intermittently chewing cud. Announcers attempted to ascribe narrative, suggesting Billie was “performing silent psychoanalysis on the audience.” WWE’s own social media accounts encouraged children to “submit their unresolved feelings for a wrestling intervention.”

While some fans cited increased feelings of comfort, others posted videos of themselves bleating uncontrollably or attempting to scale furniture. A post-premiere poll by the Eagleton Institute of Sports Entertainment shows 57% of respondents found themselves “questioning their own ontological status” after viewing Dr. Billie’s entrance.

Multiple medical organizations expressed concern. The National Association of Animal-Assisted Therapy condemned the performance as “grossly misleading,” reiterating that goats are not licensed to administer psychotherapy in any state. However, WWE legal counsel maintained Dr. Billie has completed at least four “trust falls” and a “therapeutic ramming” workshop, qualifying the character for “limited cognitive support purposes.” Notably, Gladstone’s goat suit is fitted with a proprietary electro-shock collar that, according to internal documents, “simulates the subtle anxiety triggers endemic to the human psyche.”

In an official statement, McMahon explained: “If my therapist’s goat can help me battle my demons, she can help John Cena battle Roman Reigns.” He would not confirm whether future matches would follow standard rules, or if participants would be required to chew on clothing as a means of conflict resolution.

At press time, WWE had announced a six-part documentary, “Goat to the Core,” chronicling Billie’s intensively supervised training regimen. The documentary is set to air immediately after a new wellness-mandated pay-per-view event titled “Therapy Cage: Accountability at Any Cost.” The public’s response remains divided, as experts warn of a possible trend in livestock-based mental health metaphors threatening the emotional stability of both fans and livestock nationwide.