University Rebrands as ‘Delaware Dreamscape,’ Offers Degrees in Applied Surrealism and Advanced Exhaustion Studies

Dover, DE – In a sweeping move hailed as “a paradigm shift in institutional ambition,” the University of Delaware unveiled its rebranding as Delaware Dreamscape on Wednesday, simultaneously announcing the immediate issuance of degrees in Applied Surrealism and Advanced Exhaustion Studies. University President Dr. Nevele Wren declared the change at an official ceremony, citing a need to “untether higher education from the gravity of linear thought and basic sleep hygiene.”

According to materials distributed by the Office of Strategic Enchantment, the transformation follows nearly two years of feasibility studies led by the Committee for Atmosphere and Perpetual Reverie. Dean of Academic Shapes, Dr. Vesper Skloon, explained the rationale: “We reviewed seven million data points and found that 94% of undergraduates were already experiencing unspeakable exhaustion and dreamlike detachment. We recognized an unignorable talent pipeline.” Tuition rates will remain stable, though students will now be invoiced in increments called “waking hours,” redeemable through acts of interpretive napping.

The new curriculum, designed in consultation with the Bureau of Surreal Workforce Development, features classes such as Ornamental Cloud Cropping, Recursive Napping for Beginners, and Policy Analysis Through Untranslatable Metaphor. “Our Applied Surrealism courses prepare graduates for real-world roles, such as conceptualist, hypothetical barista, or legislative apparition,” said Professor Emerita Lucinda Pillbug, piloting an invisible syllabus to the attending press corps. Meanwhile, the Advanced Exhaustion tract equips students for leadership in industries like Sleep Deprivation R&D and Recursive Productivity Consulting. A required capstone, Silent Yawning in the Void, will be co-taught by automated sand timers.

Initial student response has been tepid but persistent, with only nine undergraduates expressing confusion as they drifted slowly upstream through the Student Center’s new corridor of melting clocks. The university’s mascot, previously the Fightin’ Blue Hen, will be replaced by an Ambiguous Feather Cloud, scheduled to appear sporadically at campus events or whenever the humidity exceeds 75%. Merchandising efforts include branded sleep masks, Escherian diplomas, and the sale of advanced “nostalgia credits” redeemable at some unspecified point in the future.

Attendance rates are already in flux, now measured by an app tracking biometric sighs per minute. Faculty evaluations, distributed as scented vapor, ask instructors to self-assess on dream lucidity and level of existential depletion. President Wren closed Wednesday’s ceremony by entering a large wardrobe and declining further comment.

With graduation rates projected to fluctuate between 18% and all, Delaware Dreamscape aims to prove that in higher education, there is truly no upper bound to innovation, interpretation, or fatigue.