Tag: workplace satire
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Disneyland Employee Demoted to Human After Forgetting to Smile at Surveillance Camera in Break Room
ANAHEIM, CA—In a stunning display of the company’s commitment to authenticity, Disneyland officials confirmed Wednesday that longtime employee Jerry Windham, 47, was formally demoted to “human” status after failing to smile at a hidden surveillance camera located inside the cast member break room microwave. Windham, who, until Monday, spent 14 years sweating profusely inside the…
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Breaking News: Congress Announces New Legislation to Legalize All Forms of Procrastination Starting Tomorrow Study Reveals 95% of People Now Identify as Introvert When Doorbell Rings Tech Giant Unveils Revolutionary Device That Only Works When You’re Not Looking Viral Trend Alert: Teens Across the Globe Compete in ‘Most Creative Excuse to Not Call Back’ Challenge Influencer Declares: “Waking Up at 5 AM Is the New Sleeping In” Wellness Guru Claims Ultimate Detox Achieved by Simply Staring at Wall for 48 Hours Pet Activism Group Demands Equal Rights for Cats to Run for Office—Humans Worry About Litter Box Legislation Dystopian Product Launch: New Alarm Clock Forces You to Apologize to Yourself for Hitting Snooze Political Campaign Slogan: “Vote for Me, I Only Lie 50% of the Time!” Scientific Study Finds Majority of Americans Believe ‘Quantum Physics’ Is Just a Really Fancy Dance Move
In a groundbreaking reversal that experts say finally recognizes humanity’s inherent love for avoidance, Congress has announced sweeping legislation to legalize all forms of procrastination, effective tomorrow. This unprecedented measure, lovingly dubbed the “I’ll Get to It Eventually Act,” has sent shockwaves through both political and professional landscapes, raising questions about long-term productivity, and ironically,…
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