Tag: Texas
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Texas Tech Declares Sovereignty After Win, Applies for UN Membership as Independent Sports Republic
Lubbock, TX – In a move that has stunned the collegiate athletics community and several constitutional scholars, Texas Tech University has proclaimed complete sovereignty following its victory over rival Texas A&M, submitting formal applications to both the United Nations and FIFA as the “Independent Republic of Red Raider Sports.” University President Merritt Clagstone delivered the…
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Texas Tech Declares Sovereignty After Historic Win, Demands Recognition from United Nations and NCAA
Lubbock, TX – Texas Tech University formally declared sovereignty late Monday night, hours after its men’s basketball team clinched a historic 68-61 victory over a long-standing rival. In a statement issued from the university’s athletic director’s office, Texas Tech called upon the United Nations and the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) to “immediately and unequivocally…
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Texas Tech Celebrates Arrival as College Football Powerhouse by Inventing New Sport to Dominate Next Season
Lubbock, TX – Texas Tech University formally commemorated its ascendance to the upper echelons of collegiate football this week by announcing the immediate invention of a new athletic endeavor, provisionally titled “Gridiron Sphereball.” In a joint press conference with the Southwest Association of Competitive Activities, university officials confirmed their intent to dominate this original sport…
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Texas Tech Introduces Revolutionary Quarterback Training Program Focused on Endurance in Walking Boot Fashion Shows
Lubbock, TX – Texas Tech University’s athletics department has unveiled a groundbreaking new quarterback development initiative aimed at increasing player endurance by subjecting recruits to a series of walking boot fashion shows. The program, announced during a press conference Tuesday, is the first of its kind in collegiate football and is already being hailed by…
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Texas Legislature Accidentally Passes Law Requiring All Drivers to Carry Horse-Drawn Carriage Insurance
Austin, TX – The Texas legislature has inadvertently enacted a groundbreaking piece of legislation requiring all drivers within the state to carry insurance for horse-drawn carriages, a development that has left both drivers and equestrians equally bewildered. The legislative slip was reportedly the result of a printer glitch combined with a misplaced semicolon in a…
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