Tag: societal commentary

Nation’s Top Health Experts Announce New Wellness Initiative: Marathon of the Slow Descent into Madness

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort to get Americans moving without asking them to stand up, the nation’s leading health authorities on Tuesday unveiled a comprehensive wellness initiative encouraging citizens to join a “Marathon of the Slow Descent into Madness,” a structured 26.2-unit program designed to transform ambient existential dread into a heart-healthy routine. “This is a…

agosto 7, 2025
Scientists Announce Discovery of New Human Instinct to Scroll Past Headlines for Fear of Existential Dread

In a groundbreaking revelation that promises to reshape human understanding of evolutionary psychology, a team of scientists from the Institute of Modern Behaviors has identified a previously unrecognized human instinct: an innate urge to scroll past headlines without engaging, motivated by an overwhelming fear of existential dread. Dr. Sylvia Scrollden, the lead researcher on the…

agosto 5, 2025
Local Man Accidentally Swallows Pride While Bending Over to Pick Up Bootstraps

In an unprecedented display of self-reliance gone awry, local man Peter Thompson found himself in a peculiar bind last Tuesday when he inadvertently swallowed his own pride while attempting to hoist himself by his bootstraps. The incident occurred at precisely 8:15 AM, seconds after a motivational video on the virtues of hard work and perseverance…

julho 28, 2025

Nation’s Top Health Experts Announce New Wellness Initiative: Marathon of the Slow Descent into Madness