Tag: Political Satire

Trump Unveils New Initiative to Solve Homelessness by Making All Park Benches Vanish Mysteriously

In a bold and daring solution to one of America’s most persistent social issues, former President Donald Trump unveiled a plan Tuesday to address homelessness by making every park bench in the United States disappear without a trace. The initiative, dubbed “Operation Seatless Prosperity,” seeks to remove what Trump called “the number one enabler of…

agosto 11, 2025
Federal Grant Program Accidentally Funds Full-Contact Chess League for Seventh Consecutive Year

For the seventh consecutive year, a clerical error in the Department of Civic Engagement’s grant distribution has funneled $2.3 million into the National Full-Contact Chess League, a sporting association best known for its signature “Bishops and Bruises” tournament and mandatory mouthguards. The misallocation, first uncovered in a 2018 audit, has persisted despite repeated assurances from…

agosto 9, 2025
Samajwadi Party Calls Flash Floods An ‘Act Of Water Getting Too Emotional’ In Bold Bid To Redefine Hydrology

LUCKNOW—In a pioneering leap for both political rhetoric and science, the Samajwadi Party today released a statement attributing the unseasonal flash floods devastating Uttar Pradesh not to climate change, but to the “water getting a little too emotional right now.” Party spokesperson Rajendra Pandey presented this as a “refreshingly empathetic” approach to meteorology, urging citizens…

agosto 9, 2025
New Tax Code Reduces Forms by Simply Merging Nation’s Income with National Debt

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping simplification that officials praised as “both elegant and inevitable,” the federal government on Thursday unveiled a new tax code that reduces paperwork by combining every American’s income with the national debt into a single, all-purpose number that nobody has to look at ever again. “For years, taxpayers have pleaded with us to…

agosto 7, 2025
Census Bureau Discovers 38 Million Americans Identifying as “Tired of This Shit”

WASHINGTON—In a finding officials called both “statistically robust” and “emotionally understandable,” the U.S. Census Bureau confirmed Thursday that 38 million Americans identified as “Tired of This Shit” on recent federal forms, making it the nation’s fastest-growing self-reported category since “Unclear If Roommates Or Dating” in 2012. The designation emerged organically in write-in fields across the…

agosto 7, 2025
Government Launches New Initiative To Distract Citizens From Old Initiatives

WASHINGTON—Insisting the measure would “modernize the nation’s cognitive bandwidth and restore momentum to the concept of momentum,” federal officials on Thursday unveiled a sweeping effort to redirect public focus away from an accumulation of previous efforts, many of which are reportedly still technically occurring somewhere. The plan, formally titled the National Attention Reallocation Framework, or…

agosto 7, 2025
Economy Baffled as New Cryptocurrency Pegs Value to Average Height of Cabinet Ministers

In a groundbreaking move that has left economists scratching their heads and investors scrambling for measuring tapes, a new cryptocurrency, VertiCoin, has emerged on the market with its value pegged to the average height of cabinet ministers. The currency’s launch was announced at an exclusive gala event where attendees were required to present their own…

agosto 4, 2025
Study Finds 90% of Americans Now Confuse Presidential Debates with Reality TV Season Premieres

In a recent study conducted by the Institute for Faux Democracy, researchers have uncovered the staggering finding that 90% of Americans now mistake presidential debates for the season premieres of reality TV shows. This development is reportedly causing significant confusion among voters, many of whom are anxiously waiting to see who gets voted off the…

julho 28, 2025
Nation’s Dogs Demand Right To Vote In Local Elections After Discovering They Pay More Attention To Politics Than Most Humans

In a barky turn of events, the nation’s dogs have collectively rallied behind a growing movement demanding their right to vote in local elections, citing their keen political awareness and dedication to civic duty. The barkchain, a canine communication network connecting dog parks nationwide, has played a pivotal role in spreading the movement’s key message:…

julho 27, 2025
Nation Warmly Welcomes New Election Season with Joyous Ritual of Blocking Relatives on Social Media

In a time-honored tradition that has become as American as apple pie and pre-dawn corporate sales, citizens across the nation have joyfully ushered in a fresh election season by commencing the ceremonious blocking of relatives on various social media platforms. What began as an avoidance tactic to sidestep Aunt Linda’s post about kombucha hauls has…

julho 27, 2025