Tag: NFL satire
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Ex-NFL Star’s New Charity ‘Touchdowns for Traffickers’ Raises Funds and Eyebrows
Dallas, TX – Former All-Pro linebacker Mark “Crusher” Callahan unveiled his latest philanthropic venture this week, launching ‘Touchdowns for Traffickers,’ a charity he says is “dedicated to bringing high-scoring support to the world’s most hustling entrepreneurs.” The non-profit, registered Monday with the state of Texas, has already raised over $1.2 million in pledges, according to…
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Desperate NFL Scouts Visit Local High Schools After 22-Year-Old’s Inspirational Discovery of Fountain of Youth Eligibility Clause
Cleveland, OH – In an unforeseen development shaking the sports world, NFL scouts this week were spotted attending gym classes and lunch periods at Garfield Heights High School after a legal review by 22-year-old Browns backup quarterback Thomas Netherby uncovered a long-dormant eligibility clause commonly referred to as “The Fountain of Youth Provision.” The rarely-cited…
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Local Sports Miracle: Buccaneers Win With Previously Unknown Metric of ‘Vibe Points,’ Jets Demand Recount
Tampa, FL – In a surprising development at Raymond James Stadium on Sunday, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers secured a decisive 23-20 victory over the New York Jets by surpassing their opponents in a newly implemented but previously unknown statistical category: “vibe points.” According to the league’s latest press release, the outcome of the match was…
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Dolphins Offensive Lineman Accidentally Replaces ACL With Non-Fungible Token, Team Unsure of Recovery Timeline
Miami, FL—The Miami Dolphins are facing an unprecedented medical enigma this week after starting offensive lineman Trent “Big Tuna” Whitley underwent what should have been a routine knee surgery, only to discover that his anterior cruciate ligament was mistakenly replaced with a non-fungible token (NFT) of an animated cat riding a hoverboard. Whitley, widely regarded…
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