Tag: legislative process
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Nation Eagerly Awaits Results of Congressional Coin Toss to Determine Which Essential Services to Abandon First
Washington, D.C. – In a bold move indicative of the country’s innovative approach to governance, Congress has decided to employ a time-honored dispute resolution method to address the pressing issue of which essential services to eliminate in the upcoming budget cuts. Lawmakers shuffled into the Capitol yesterday with unparalleled anticipation for what is being dubbed…
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Historic First: White House Fight Night to Feature Cage Match Between Policy Promises and Actual Legislation
In an unprecedented move aimed at increasing government transparency, the White House announced Tuesday that it will host its first-ever “Fight Night,” a nationally televised cage match pitting unfulfilled policy promises against the realities of actual legislation. The historic event is scheduled to take place next Friday in the East Room, which press secretary Carla…
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Congressional Committee Accidentally Approves Bill Granting Land Rights to Genetically Modified Sea Cucumbers With Exploding Anuses
Capitol Hill was thrown into chaos Tuesday after the House Subcommittee on Agriculture, Aquaculture, and Explosive Posteriors inadvertently approved a sweeping bill that extends federal land rights to a recently engineered population of genetically modified sea cucumbers with – according to official language in the text – “regrettably volatile anuses.” The bill, officially titled The…
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