Rising Political Star Unveils Revolutionary Plan to Solve National Issues by Simply Ignoring Them Until They Go Away

Washington, D.C. – In a move political observers are already calling “boldly inert,” Representative Carson Llewellyn (I-VA) introduced what he describes as a “revolutionary, hands-off policy platform,” promising to address the nation’s most pressing concerns by categorically ignoring them until, as predicted in his eighty-page proposal, “they resolve themselves through the natural passage of time or public exhaustion.”

Llewellyn first unveiled the plan—dubbed “Operation Inaction”—during a Tuesday press conference flanked by his newly assembled Committee on Strategic Neglect. “The data is clear,” Llewellyn declared. “Problems left undisturbed tend to dissipate, lose media traction, or fade entirely from public consciousness. Why waste resources, political capital, or oxygen?” Llewellyn cited an internal study by the Non-Responsive Governance Institute, which concludes that 67% of issues Americans cared about in 2017 “are now considered mysteries or were likely misremembered.”

According to Llewellyn’s white paper, Congress would create a National Deprioritization Calendar, setting annual schedules for when to collectively stop mentioning issues like infrastructure decay, cyberattacks, or rampant inflation. Full-page blanks in the federal register would be reserved for topics once deemed urgent, accompanied by artistic renderings of tumbleweeds and faint ambient sighing. “For example, if supply chains collapse again, our immediate response will be to unplug the phones and turn off the news tickers,” said Aletha Choi, Deputy Chair for Passive Crisis Management.

Administrative implementation is already underway in several pilot agencies. The Department of Transportation last month covered potholes with “Warning: Upcoming Absence” signs. The FDA is reportedly drafting new guidance defining persistent food recalls as “events of negligible recurrence.” Congressional aides, furnished with ergonomic noise-cancelling headsets, receive annual mandatory training in Ambient Disengagement, while an AI chatbot has been developed to automatically reply “received, thank you” to all constituent emails for at least two election cycles.

Supporters tout early success: issues like the unexplained disappearance of the National Math Bee and the ongoing shortage of small denomination coins no longer regularly appear on network news or in government briefings. Skeptics remain. “What about escalating climate disasters?” asked Dr. Miriam Albright, of the Center for Applied Anxiety. “Frankly, I expect to stop being concerned within six to eight months.”

The plan continues to gain traction as policymakers speculate about its application abroad. As Llewellyn summarized in closing remarks, “Inaction is the new action. If you have questions, please wait until our office forgets to respond.”