Petrified Forest National Park Announces New Interactive Exhibit: ‘Experience Your Own Slow Descent Into Stone’

Holbrook, AZ – In a move that promises to expand both visitor engagement and existential dread, Petrified Forest National Park has unveiled its ground-breaking exhibit, “Experience Your Own Slow Descent Into Stone.” Park representatives say the initiative is part of a broader effort to bridge the increasingly narrow gap between humankind and our geological counterparts.

“We are excited to offer visitors the opportunity to metaphorically—and eventually quite literally—become part of the landscape,” said Leslie Sediment, Chief Emotionally Disengaged Officer at the park. “We view this not only as an exhibition but as an allegory for the inevitability of time and the futility of resistance.”

The experience begins at the park’s entrance, where visitors are handed a brochure explaining the nuances of their prolonged transformation process. As they proceed through the park, guests encounter various stations designed to accelerate their understanding of petrification. Naturalist consultant Dr. Granitous Mulch, who describes themselves as a “rock psychologist,” explains that each station features a compelling blend of sensory deprivation, bureaucratic red tape, and mandatory mind-numbing paperwork.

“We’ve done extensive research to model what it really feels like to turn into stone,” Dr. Mulch explained. “First, there’s a lot of waiting around, which we’ve facilitated with our ‘Queue Hall of Indeterminate Duration.’ Then comes the crushing weight of permanence, best simulated in our ‘Why Bother To Change?’ exhibit, where you fill out multiple redundancy forms that ultimately serve no purpose.”

In practice, however, there has been some criticism from park employees who mistakenly found themselves subjects of the exhibit. Last week, a groundskeeper reported that he was inadvertently petrified while taking a routine break in the “Temporal Stagnation Lounge.” The incident led park officials to install laminated speed warnings throughout the park, urging visitors and staff to keep their self-analysis brief and to always “remain fluid.”

Local businesses have also joined in the spirit of the exhibit, with nearby diners offering stone-themed cuisines that emphasize blandness and existential crunch. The Sunshine Café now boasts its own “Geologic Pancake Stack,” said to take millions of years to fully digest.

Coming under bipartisan scrutiny, Congressman Rocky Terrain (independent-stone-based) has urged a congressional hearing to discuss the park’s safety protocols and its effects on local tourism. Despite these rumblings, Petrified Forest National Park maintains that it “wholly endorses petrification as an experiential learning tool.”

Each participant is provided with a commemorative petrified nameplate at the end of the experience, although many take decades to fully receive it. According to preliminary data from the Slightly Distorted Facts Committee’s recent survey, visitor satisfaction has plateaued, which, according to park officials, is precisely the desired outcome.

The exhibit is open daily from sunrise to sunset. Visitors are encouraged to prepare for minor discomfort and eternal acceptance. In the end, park authorities say, “Becoming part of the landscape is more than an experience; it’s the ultimate form of belonging—forever.”