LEAMINGTON SPA – The town council of Leamington Spa has formally announced its secession from the United Kingdom, citing viral recognition of the town’s Spar convenience store as Britain’s most significant cultural landmark, thanks to its newfound fame on TikTok. The decision, ratified at an extraordinary midnight quorum and publicized via a laminated A4 sheet taped to the store’s front window, effectively declares Leamington Spa a sovereign entity to be known henceforth as The United Republic of Upper Spa.
Cllr. Doris Mint, newly self-appointed Prime Minister, elaborated on the move at a morning press conference in the Spar car park. “When you’ve been recognized by over four million TikTok creators as the true heart of British culture, independence becomes an administrative inevitability,” Mint explained. “Our sovereignty will better reflect the energy-bar fueled zeitgeist of our youth.” Council documents confirm extensive consultation with the town’s leading influencers, one of whom, @LeamLadOfficial, holds the newly created post of Minister for Beverage Multipacks.
Officials say the breakaway decision is based on a statistical analysis conducted by the Town Committee for Modern Relevance, a group that has met weekly in the Spar’s sandwich aisle since June. Their study, 237 pages long and stapled together with a staple gun borrowed from behind the till, found that 96% of trending TikTok videos filmed in Leamington Spa either reference the store or include it as a backdrop for “deeply meaningful dance content.” Meanwhile, researchers claim the Spar’s pastry shelf “speaks more cogently to the modern British experience than Westminster Abbey ever has.”
Asserting independence, the council revealed ambitious plans to issue national ID cards decorated with limited edition Swizzels wrappers. Border checks on the high street are to be operated by sixth form volunteers armed with commemorative hi-vis vests and a copy of last month’s TikTok trending page. Legal tender will transition to a voucher-based system, with Spar meal deals serving as the nation’s baseline currency. A governmental sub-committee has already drafted a provisional anthem, composed entirely of lyric fragments culled from popular bagging area alerts.
Concerns from the UK Home Office have been met with polite indifference. “You can’t ignore a diplomatic movement that’s garnered 25,000 likes in 48 hours,” said Leamington Spa’s Foreign Secretary, a role currently filled by a rotating shift manager. Early reports indicate sporadic passport checks at the store entrance, where customers must now correctly identify the staff member known only as ‘Big Dave’ to gain access to the crisp aisle.
Reaction from residents remains mixed. While local property values have surged following speculation about diplomatic embassies opening inside the Spar, others have expressed concern over the introduction of the new national uniform, widely described as “pajamas for all formal occasions.” Educators are reportedly revising the Leamington Spa history curriculum to prioritize recounting the events of last year’s viral sausage roll theft over the town’s involvement in the Napoleonic Wars.
As of press time, the United Republic of Upper Spa’s application for United Nations observer status remains pending, with documents reportedly lost behind the store’s magazine rack. The town awaits the world’s formal recognition, satisfied for now with a 2-for-1 deal on sovereignty and lightly salted crisps.
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