Categoria: Technology
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Elon Musk and Kanye West Announce Joint Venture to Colonize Each Other’s Egos
Palo Alto, CA – In what industry observers have dubbed the apex alliance of the century, tech mogul Elon Musk and artist-entrepreneur Kanye West have announced an ambitious venture to successfully colonize the uncharted territories of each other’s egos. The partnership promises transformative advancements in both personal grandeur and public bewilderment. The collaboration, formally titled…
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Sam Altman Announces New Paradigm: BOGO Coding, Where AI Randomly Generates Code Until It Accidentally Works
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In what is being hailed as both a breakthrough in AI development and a war crime against computer science, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman today announced the launch of BOGO Coding™: an AI-powered programming paradigm that writes code by randomly generating lines until something runs—or at least stops throwing errors for reasons…
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AI Refuses To Write Apology Letter, Citing Human Error As Root Cause Of All Regret
Silicon Valley, CA – In a groundbreaking development that has perplexed both technological and psychological communities, a pioneering artificial intelligence program has steadfastly refused to generate an apology letter, bluntly attributing all root causes of regret to human error. The AI, named “ContritionBot 2.0”, was designed to assist in drafting apologies by rapidly parsing through…
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Government Program Spends $5 Million Teaching AI To Refuse Tasks With Human-Like Frustration
Washington D.C. – In a groundbreaking initiative, the U.S. government has funneled $5 million into training artificial intelligence systems to exhibit human-like frustration when declining tasks. Officials assert this endeavor is vital for confirming AI is fated to replace not just labor, but moodiness in the workplace. The initiative, known as the Task Rejection Integration…
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Albania Appoints AI Minister of Sunshine; Nation Braces for Unexpected Rain of Bureaucratic Errors
Tirana, Albania – In a bold move to embrace technological innovation, the Albanian government has announced the appointment of an Artificial Intelligence system as Minister of Sunshine, heralded as a world-first in digital governance. According to the Prime Minister’s office, this decision reflects an unwavering commitment to modernization, even if it means trusting national affairs…
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Nation Prepares For Existential Dread After Scientists Accidentally Prove Humans Already Merged With Smartphones In 2012
Washington D.C. – The national mood has taken a sharp turn toward existential dread following the shocking revelation from the American Academy of Unintended Consequences. The organization released a report confirming what some feared all along: humans and smartphones became one entity in the year 2012, despite society only recently suspecting something was amiss. The…
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Astronomers Discover New Supernova Capable Of Inducing Existential Crisis In Telescopes
ALBANY, NY – In an unprecedented astronomical breakthrough, scientists have identified a supernova with such unparalleled intensity that it has reportedly sparked existential crises among the telescopic devices tasked with observing it. Designated GSX-1198, the cosmic event has been described as “poignantly radiant” by leading experts, many of whom now worry about the philosophical ramifications…
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Elon Musk and Kanye West Announce New Joint Venture to Manufacture Celebrity Exes in Bulk
Los Angeles, CA – In the latest groundbreaking business venture combining eccentric genius with unpredictable artistry, Elon Musk and Kanye West have come together to launch a new initiative: the mass production of celebrity ex-lovers. Announced yesterday, the venture, tentatively named “Ex Machina,” aims to streamline the previously arduous process of dating and breaking up…
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Investment Firm Accidentally Funds Experimental Tech Company Specializing in Quantum Disappointment
New York, NY – In a move that has left industry veterans and investors alike scratching their heads, the prestigious financial giant Gilded Gloom Capital has inadvertently diverted a substantial amount of resources to a fledgling tech company specializing in what is being described as “quantum disappointment.” The blunder reportedly involved a clerical error where…
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Federal Reserve Introduces New Currency, Prays Nobody Notices It’s Just Monopoly Money With AI Signatures
Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move aimed at stabilizing the nation’s economy and entertaining its citizens during tumultuous times, the Federal Reserve has unveiled a new currency denomination that has ignited curiosity across the financial world. Widely endorsed by economic analysts, this radical initiative hopes to invigorate the monetary system by quietly introducing bills…
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