Categoria: Religion
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Desperate Sports Fans Turn to Ancient Rain Dance Rituals in Hopes of Summoning Elusive Goals
Manchester, UK – With their team locked in a scoreless drought stretching five consecutive matches, a growing segment of Manchester United supporters has adopted ancient rain dance rituals in a bid to coax much-needed goals from their embattled strikers. Eyewitnesses at Old Trafford reported clusters of fans performing ambiguous hip gyrations, chanting in reconstructed Proto-Indo-European,…
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Billionaire Unveils New Religion Where Salvation Is Achieved Through Aggressive Investment Portfolio
Silicon Valley, CA – In a move that promises to redefine spiritual devotion by trading hymns for hedge funds, tech billionaire and self-proclaimed financial prophet Victor Evercash has announced the launch of “The Sacred Trust,” a new religion that promises salvation through robust investment portfolios. The burgeoning faith has quickly garnered attention, with adherents flocking…
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Hajj 2026 Deadline Extended as Committee Debates Feasibility of Entire Pilgrimage Conducted in Virtual Reality
The Grand Assembly for Technological Integration in Religious Practices announced today that the planning deadline for Hajj 2026 has been indefinitely extended, as the committee continues to deliberate the revolutionary proposal of transforming the entire pilgrimage into a virtual reality experience. This marks a significant development in the age-old tradition, which has remained fundamentally unchanged…
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Baptist News Global Accidentally Names Trump As New Testament Character, Sparks Theological Reboot
In a groundbreaking mix-up, Baptist News Global has accidentally thrust former President Donald Trump into the New Testament, sparking what scholars are dubbing a “theological reboot” across denominations. The blessed blunder has opened a wave of interpretative possibilities, leaving Christians around the world to ponder what a Trumpian Gospel would entail. The error occurred when…
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