Categoria: Politics
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Son Discovers Father Secretly Watches Cable News for the Ads, Not the Content
Springfield, IL – In a stunning revelation that has shaken a suburban household and left a son questioning everything he’s ever known, local resident Daniel Thompson has uncovered that his father, Howard Thompson, consumes cable news not for the headlines, but purely for the advertisements. This disclosure has reportedly challenged the very fabric of their…
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Nation Prepares For Existential Dread After Scientists Accidentally Prove Humans Already Merged With Smartphones In 2012
Washington D.C. – The national mood has taken a sharp turn toward existential dread following the shocking revelation from the American Academy of Unintended Consequences. The organization released a report confirming what some feared all along: humans and smartphones became one entity in the year 2012, despite society only recently suspecting something was amiss. The…
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Former Environment Minister’s Memoir Accidentally Becomes Top Book in ‘Fantasy’ Section of Major Retailer
New York, NY – In an unexpected twist of literary classification, the memoirs of former Environment Minister Reginald Stokely have soared to the top of the fantasy genre at a leading national bookseller. The memoir, ambitiously titled “The Green Mirage: My Role in Saving the Natural World,” reportedly found its newfound classification due to a…
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Supreme Court Rules 5-4 That Mario Tennis Now Legally Recognized As Contact Sport
Washington, D.C. – In a landmark decision delivered late Thursday afternoon, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the popular video game, Mario Tennis, is now legally recognized as a contact sport. The decision came after a contentious debate fueled by a growing number of digital athletic injuries and critical questions about the nature of sporting…
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Netflix True Crime Series Accidentally Solves Unrelated Murder, Leaves Actual Case Unresolved for Dramatic Tension
Los Angeles, CA – In an unprecedented turn of events, popular streaming service Netflix has inadvertently solved a 15-year-old murder case during the filming of its latest true crime documentary series, all while leaving the crime it set out to unravel utterly unsolved, reportedly for the sake of maintaining nail-biting suspense. The series, entitled “Threads…
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Congress Accidentally Allocates $5 Million to Adult Hula Hoop Retreat, Citing National Need for ‘Whimsy Infrastructure’
Washington, D.C. – In a surprising legislative misstep, Congress has inadvertently funneled $5 million into creating a national adult hula hoop retreat. Cited as essential “whimsy infrastructure,” this new allocation is raising eyebrows and waistlines nationwide. According to a late-night session where lawmakers debated the function of recreational wellness spaces in American society, “whimsy infrastructure”…
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Bank Indonesia Announces New Independence: Now Only Answerable To Voice Inside Governor’s Head
Jakarta, Indonesia – In a bold move to redefine financial governance, Bank Indonesia proudly announced that its operational independence has reached unprecedented levels, with the singular accountability now being the voice inside Governor Budi Santoso’s head. This historic decision was revealed at a press conference where Santoso, seemingly in agreement with himself, unveiled the new…
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Local Witchcraft Ordinance Requires Bizarre Bazaar Vendors to Submit Magic Wands for Licensing Inspection
Gristwood, MA – In a move heralded by some as a triumph of civic regulation, the Gristwood City Council has unanimously passed a local witchcraft ordinance requiring all vendors at the annual Bizarre Bazaar to submit their magic wands for licensing inspection. The ordinance, effective immediately, aims to ensure magical practices within town limits adhere…
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Netflix Announces New Series: ‘JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles’ Starring Unpaid Animators
Los Gatos, CA – In an unprecedented move to recapture viewership distracted by both reality and reality TV, streaming giant Netflix has announced its latest endeavor: “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles.” The series will purportedly star animators from the original production who have agreed to work on the show for “exposure” and the potential…
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Investment Firm Accidentally Funds Reality-Distortion Field, Citing Promising Returns in Alternate Dimension
New York, NY – In a groundbreaking move that has bewildered industry experts, renowned investment firm Paradoxical Capital has inadvertently funded a reality-distortion project, lured by the promise of unprecedented returns from a parallel dimension. Despite initial skepticism, analysts are now touting the venture as a new frontier in alternative investments. The anomaly came to…
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