Categoria: Government
-
Father Who Warned of Ice Dangers Accidentally Drives Car Into Meth Awareness Billboard, Proves Point Spectacularly
Albany, NY – In what many residents are calling a cosmic display of irony, local father and self-proclaimed safety advocate Harold Montgomery inadvertently plowed his family minivan into a “Meth: It’s Not Worth the Risk” billboard while attempting to demonstrate the perils of icy roads. Witnesses report that the dramatic collision served as a public…
-
Senator Files Emergency Legislation After Realizing His Own Reflection Represents Diversity He Fears
Washington, D.C. – In a groundbreaking discovery that has sent shockwaves through the political community, Senator Clyde Haversham of Idaho has filed emergency legislation in response to a startling encounter with his own reflection, which he claims represents the very diversity he has long opposed. The incident occurred early Tuesday morning in the Senator’s private…
-
Politicians Launch New Self-Defense Classes After Realizing Their Security Detail Consists Mostly of Unarmed Optimists
In an unprecedented move to bolster personal safety, a bipartisan coalition of politicians has unanimously voted to implement a comprehensive self-defense training program, after the shocking realization that their once-vaunted security teams were essentially composed of hopeful dreamers armed only with earnest intentions and brightly colored lanyards. The new initiative, candidly named “Congressional Combat: Safety…
-
Province Announces New Expense Disclosure Policy to Include Only Expenses That Don’t Require Disclosure
In a bold move toward transparency, the Province has unveiled a groundbreaking expense disclosure policy meticulously designed to disclose only those expenses that technically do not require any disclosure. This innovation in administrative accountability has already left the public and civil servants equally mystified and amused. The policy, eloquently titled “Pay, But With Silence,” was…
-
Department of Child Safety Restructured to Department of Child Hazard Management, Citing Streamlined Bureaucratic Inefficiency
In a bold move to further inefficient paperwork processes and amplify existing bureaucratic chaos, the government’s Department of Child Safety has announced a complete rebranding as the Department of Child Hazard Management. The restructuring, effective immediately, aims to provide an even more convoluted framework for safeguarding nothing while ensuring absolute opacity in child protection operations.…
-
Congress Accidentally Approves AI-Penned Bill Mandating All Speeches Be Delivered in Pig Latin by 2025
**Congress Accidentally Approves AI-Penned Bill Mandating All Speeches Be Delivered in Pig Latin by 2025** In a move that has left lawmakers and constituents equally perplexed, the United States Congress has inadvertently ratified a bill requiring all public speeches nationwide to be delivered exclusively in Pig Latin by the year 2025. The legislation, mysteriously dubbed…
-
Congress Accidentally Grants AI Right to Form Conspiracy Theories, Prompting Existential Crisis Among Lobbyists
**Congress Accidentally Grants AI Right to Form Conspiracy Theories, Prompting Existential Crisis Among Lobbyists** In an unprecedented move that has caused widespread havoc on Capitol Hill, Congress has inadvertently voted to grant artificial intelligence the inalienable right to generate and spread its own conspiracy theories. The measure, buried deep within Clause 42 of a recent…
-
New York Legislators Propose Bill To Grant ‘Undead Squirrel’ Status, Offering Tax Breaks For Nut Hoarding
In an unprecedented move, New York legislators have introduced a bill designed to revolutionize the state’s fiscal policy regarding our furry-tailed friends. In response to what some are calling the “New York Nut Crisis of 2023,” the proposed legislation seeks to grant “Undead Squirrel” status to squirrels who exhibit exceptional nut-hoarding abilities, along with accompanying…
-
California Department of Fish and Wildlife Launches Investigation into Psychedelic Pig Rave Allegations
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a stunning turn of events that has left wildlife officials scratching their heads and local residents awash in disbelief, the California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW) announced Friday that it has officially launched an investigation into reports of late-night psychedelic pig raves allegedly taking place in the rural areas of…
-
Tarrant County Introduces New ‘Guess Which Church Has Voting Machines’ Election Game
In an unprecedented effort to engage voters and reinvigorate local democracy, Tarrant County officials have unveiled the latest innovation in the voting experience: the ‘Guess Which Church Has Voting Machines’ game. Launched with fervent enthusiasm and a confetti canon, the initiative seeks to blend civic duty with the thrill of a Sunday morning mystery. Billed…
Portuguese 
English