Categoria: Government
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Congress Accidentally Allocates $5 Million to Adult Hula Hoop Retreat, Citing National Need for ‘Whimsy Infrastructure’
Washington, D.C. – In a surprising legislative misstep, Congress has inadvertently funneled $5 million into creating a national adult hula hoop retreat. Cited as essential “whimsy infrastructure,” this new allocation is raising eyebrows and waistlines nationwide. According to a late-night session where lawmakers debated the function of recreational wellness spaces in American society, “whimsy infrastructure”…
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Golf Tournament Disqualified After Realizing They Forgot To Invent A Rule For Smugness
Augusta, GA – In a stunning conclusion to what has been dubbed the most self-assured event in sports history, organizers of the 146th annual Augusta Valley Invitational have disqualified the entire tournament after acknowledging a devastating oversight: no rule had been created to adequately penalize excessive smugness. Tournament officials faced off-course challenges as participants were…
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Federal Reserve Introduces New Currency, Prays Nobody Notices It’s Just Monopoly Money With AI Signatures
Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move aimed at stabilizing the nation’s economy and entertaining its citizens during tumultuous times, the Federal Reserve has unveiled a new currency denomination that has ignited curiosity across the financial world. Widely endorsed by economic analysts, this radical initiative hopes to invigorate the monetary system by quietly introducing bills…
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Idaho Legislature Debates Turning Entire State Into Giant Chessboard to Increase Tourism and Confuse Astronauts
Boise, ID – In an unexpected move that showcases Idaho’s commitment to cutting-edge tourism strategies, the state legislature is currently embroiled in a heated debate on a proposal to transform Idaho’s entire geographic expanse into an enormous chessboard. Proponents suggest that this checkerboard transformation will attract both tourists and satellite-borne onlookers, such as astronauts, who…
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NASA Confirms Idaho River Actually Massive Chessboard; State Lawmakers Demand New Rules for En Passant
Boise, ID – In a revelation likely to reshape both the fields of geography and indoor recreation, NASA today confirmed that what was previously believed to be the winding Snake River in Idaho is, in fact, a colossal and meticulously crafted chessboard. The discovery has prompted an immediate response from Idaho state lawmakers, who are…
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School Board Unveils New Policy Requiring Students to Drive Buses in Order to Graduate
Centralville, USA – In a bold educational reform likely to fray the nerves of parents and insurance companies nationwide, the Centralville School Board has decreed that beginning next semester, students must pilot school buses for a minimum of forty hours to receive their diplomas. This radical initiative, according to Chairperson Eliza Flapjaw, is aimed at…
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School Board Unveils New Bungee Cord Bus Route Citing Cost Efficiency and Unexpected Thrills
Elgin, IL – In an unprecedented move designed to slash transportation budgets and invigorate the morning commute, the Elgin School Board has taken a daring leap forward with the introduction of its revolutionary Bungee Cord Bus Route. School officials cite not only cost efficiency but also unexpected thrills as prime motivators behind this bold new…
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NASA Unveils New Telescope That Can Only Focus on Student Loan Debt Orbiting Jupiter
Houston, TX – In an unprecedented leap forward in space observation technology, NASA has proudly introduced the latest development in their astronomical instrumentation: a powerful new telescope specifically designed to observe the spiraling mass of student loan debt currently thought to be orbiting Jupiter. The recent unveiling of the telescope, affectionately dubbed “Debt-Watch 2000,” marks…
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