Categoria: Entertainment
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Disqualified Golfer Blames Invisible Rule Book Written By Ghost Of Golf’s Past
Nantucket, MA – In a bizarre turn of events at the annual Nantucket Open, seasoned golfer Edward “Eddy” Foresome faced disqualification after attempting to execute a putt using what officials described as “manifestly arcane techniques” dictated by a spectral rule book. Foresome, now notorious for competing under guidance from an alleged ghostly caddie, claims the…
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Netflix Announces New Series: ‘JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles’ Starring Unpaid Animators
Los Gatos, CA – In an unprecedented move to recapture viewership distracted by both reality and reality TV, streaming giant Netflix has announced its latest endeavor: “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles.” The series will purportedly star animators from the original production who have agreed to work on the show for “exposure” and the potential…
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Idaho Locals Unearth Giant Board Game Played by Extraterrestrial Tourists, Prompting Statewide Checkmate Crisis
Boise, ID – In a shocking archaeological discovery that has captivated the nation and baffled scientists, Idaho locals have unearthed what appears to be a massive interstellar board game previously played by extraterrestrial tourists. The centuries-old game board, spanning approximately 200 acres of potato fields, is thought to be a galactic version of chess, prompting…
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Record Labels Demand Royalties After Discovering Hidden Tracks Composed Entirely of Studio Ghosts’ Moans
New York, NY – Record labels have entered an unprecedented legal dispute with music streaming services over royalties owed for hidden tracks reportedly composed by the “unpaid labor” of phantom spirits haunting recording studios. This move follows allegations by the American Association of Record Executives (AARE) that streaming platforms have failed to compensate for what…
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Former Brexit Figurehead Accidentally Summons Ancient Sea Spirit During AI Rap Battle on Clacton Pier
Clacton-on-Sea, UK – In a surprising twist of digital recreation gone awry, former Brexit figurehead and once-respected statesman Nigel Haverton inadvertently summoned an ancient sea spirit while attempting to engage in an AI-assisted rap battle during a casual gathering on Clacton Pier. Attending what was advertised as a “family-friendly fun day,” participants were astonished as…
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Astrology App Co-Star Now Available on Android; Instantly Sparks Multi-Platform Existential Crisis
Silicon Valley, CA – In a monumental leap forward for astrological technology, Co-Star, the enigmatic astrological app previously limited to iOS, has finally made its debut on Android devices as of this morning. The long-anticipated release has predictably resulted in a universally disorienting existential crisis spanning across both platforms, according to industry insiders. The app,…
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Co-Star’s Android Launch Allows Users to Finally Blame Retrograde for Forgotten Passwords
New York, NY – In a groundbreaking advancement for astrological accountability, the popular astrology app Co-Star has announced its eagerly anticipated launch on Android devices, offering millions of new users the unparalleled opportunity to attribute their lapses in digital security to the whims of the cosmos. This move marks a significant milestone in the app’s…
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Department of Education Confirms Entire High School Curriculum Now Inspired by Films That Defy Basic Logic
Washington, D.C. – In what is being hailed as a groundbreaking effort to prepare students for the chaotic realities of modern life, the Department of Education announced today that all high school curriculums nationwide will now be rigorously modeled after films that proudly disregard spatial continuity, basic physics, and narrative coherence. “The decision was made…
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Korean Baseball League Introduces New Rule: Teams Penalized 5 Runs If Coach Calls Umpire ‘Lazy Giraffe’
Seoul, South Korea – In a pioneering effort to improve sportsmanship while enhancing the entertainment value of national sports, the Korean Baseball Organization (KBO) unveiled a revolutionary rule this Tuesday. The regulation stipulates that any team whose coach refers to an umpire as a “lazy giraffe” will incur a five-run penalty. This bold move is…
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AFL Accidentally Approves New Rule Allowing Coaches to Score Points by Roasting Their Own Players
Melbourne, Australia – In a stunning procedural oversight, the Australian Football League (AFL) has inadvertently implemented a new rule permitting coaches to score points not through traditional gameplay, but rather through the creative and incisive roasting of their own players. This marks the first time in sports history that verbal dexterity has been equated with…
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