Categoria: Education
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U.S. Education Department Unveils New Drone Headsets to Detect Cheating Thoughts During Exams
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In what officials are hailing as a “watershed achievement for academic integrity and American forehead technology,” the U.S. Department of Education announced Tuesday its plan to deploy drone-mounted neural surveillance headsets—dubbed “BrainTrusts”—to monitor students’ thoughts for evidence of pre-cheating intent during standardized tests. “Paper, pencils, calculator bans—those are Band-Aids,” proclaimed Assistant Education Secretary Lena…
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High School Athlete Exploits Little-Known Loophole In Physics To Win Race Without Touching Ground
MONTGOMERY, AL—Spectators at the regional track-and-field meet were left dumbstruck Friday as local high school senior Marcus “The Floater” Dewberry won the boys’ 400-meter dash in record time, despite his feet never once making contact with the ground. Witnesses report Dewberry, a B-minus physics student and self-identified “gravity skeptic,” hovered three inches above the image…
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Board of Education Unveils Revolutionary Classroom Experience: The Outdoor Window View Simulator
In a groundbreaking move poised to redefine the educational landscape, the Board of Education has unveiled its latest innovation: The Outdoor Window View Simulator. This cutting-edge technology promises to transport students from their dreary classroom confines into a virtual world of natural splendor without ever leaving their desks. The simulator, which consists of a 50-inch…
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