Categoria: Culture
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Method Actor Infiltrates Tech Company, Accidentally Promoted to Principal Engineer
Silicon Valley, CA — Deductible.io’s latest Principal Engineer isn’t a coder, architect, or even remotely technical. He’s a method actor who has spent the last decade performing engineering — and somehow convinced leadership that’s the same thing. Pull Requests as Stage Props Julian Hopewell built his reputation on a peculiar craft: sample PRs and draft…
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Method Actor Infiltrates Tech Company, Accidentally Promoted to Staff Engineer
San Jose, CA – In what corporate analysts are calling a “rare but inevitable convergence,” a method actor who had intended to research a potential role as a “burned-out software engineer” has been accidentally promoted to Staff Engineer at Meridian Horizons, one of Silicon Valley’s leading cloud solutions providers. The actor, known to colleagues only…
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Local Engineer Revealed To Be Method Actor Doing 10-Year Bit
St. Louis, MO – Residents of Westmore Heights were startled this week to learn that William Dunphy, widely regarded as a dependable process engineer at local firm Covalence Industries, has been quietly engaged in an extended method acting project for the past ten years. The revelation emerged after Covalence’s annual Human Resource Reflection Initiative uncovered…
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Pam Bondi Declares Left-Wing Radicals Invented Gravity, Demands Immediate Repeal for the Sake of America
Tallahassee, FL – Former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi announced in a tense morning press conference that gravity, commonly understood as a natural force, was in fact engineered by “left-wing radicals” as part of a centuries-old plot to keep America subdued. Flanked by members of the Heritage Task Force on Scientific Liberties, Bondi called for…
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World Marathon Championship Concludes with Runners Accidentally Finishing in Next Month’s Race, Organizers Applaud for Setting New Precedent
Rome – The 2024 World Marathon Championship concluded this Sunday evening under unexpected circumstances, after all 42 participants inadvertently crossed the finish line of an entirely separate event scheduled for next month. Organizers have hailed the outcome as “innovative” and “a promising new model for international distance racing.” Developed by the Global Endurance Federation, this…
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Startup Secures $8M to Revolutionize Market With Groundbreaking Concept of Selling More Stuff
San Mateo, CA – A Silicon Valley startup, Moresellr, has announced it has secured $8 million in Series A funding to disrupt the global market with a business model that experts say could “radically transform the way humans obtain an ever-growing number of things.” The company’s stated objective is to sell more stuff—at scale—than has…
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Startup Secures $8M from Investors Who Mistook ‘Unusual Machines’ for a New Cryptocurrency
San Jose, CA – In a surprise to both seasoned venture capitalists and veteran hardware engineers, a fledgling robotics company, Unusual Machines LLC, announced this week it has secured $8 million in Series A funding after a cohort of investors erroneously believed they were backing an innovative blockchain initiative. Unusual Machines, registered earlier this year…
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Corporate Crystal Ball: LightPath Secures $8M to Manufacture ‘Unusual Machines’ That Only Predict More Investments
San Jose, CA — Technology firm LightPath announced Tuesday it has secured $8 million in Series B funding, earmarked for the development and mass production of its proprietary “Unusual Machines.” These devices, according to company statements, are designed exclusively to predict forthcoming rounds of investment for firms engaged in predictive technology manufacturing. LightPath CEO Dana…
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Senator JD Vance Accidentally Debates Himself on Podcast, Declares Both Sides the Winner
Washington, D.C. – Senator JD Vance delivered what many are calling a landmark performance in political discourse yesterday when he inadvertently engaged in a full-length debate with himself during the taping of “American Voices,” a popular podcast. The debate, scheduled to pit Vance against his own archived statements from 2022, rapidly devolved into a back-and-forth…
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Senator Accidentally Hosts Podcast Episode on How to Mute Microphone, Fails Spectacularly
Washington, D.C. – In an incident that insiders say will be remembered as “the technical flub heard ‘round the Beltway,” Senator Harold Greeley’s latest podcast episode, entitled “How to Mute Your Microphone for Productive Government,” unspooled Wednesday afternoon as a 45-minute cascade of accidental noises, off-mic muttering, and increasingly frantic button-pressing—none of which was muted,…
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