Albany, NY – A consortium of leading anthropologists from the American Institute for Human Development (AIHD) has debuted a groundbreaking new exhibit this week: “Trump’s Quotes as Modern Cave Paintings.” According to event organizers, the travelling showcase aims to “capture the intellectual trajectory of Homo sapiens at its crucial post-2016 inflection,” presenting a curated selection of former President Donald Trump’s utterances as if they were ancient pictographic wisdom, preserved in pigment and stone.
The inaugural opening at the upstate Museum of Human Expression attracted a broad spectrum of visitors, from art historians to local officials. Dr. Meredith Pillman, chair of the AIHD’s Applied Evolution Division, explained, “For generations, scholars have wondered what our era will leave behind. By rendering the Trump quote corpus in ochre, charcoal, and stylized buffalos, we not only safeguard these proverbs for millennia but invite the public to imagine future analysts unearthing the words ‘I have the best words’ beside ancient hunts.” Dr. Pillman added that the project is supported by a joint academic grant from the Department of Cultural Archetypes and the Heritage Foundation for Cognitive Downgrading.
The exhibit’s main attraction consists of lengthy murals installed in simulated caves—complete with artificially-aged stalactites—onto which volunteers, dubbed the Self-Awareness Preservationists, painstakingly recreated Trump’s statements, including “Nobody respects women more than me,” and “I know words, I have the best words,” rendered in blocky ochre script beside stylized mammoths and stick-figure crowds. Each piece is accompanied by explanatory placards. One reads: “Scholars believe these markings served as communal rallying cries, code for complex rituals involving Twitter and rally hats.” Another notes, “Speculative analysis suggests the phrase ‘covfefe’ functioned as a magical incantation or warning cry during times of social upheaval.”
Researchers insist the project’s historical accuracy required scrupulous contextualization. A team of experts from the Institute for Historical Discernment spent weeks analyzing over 15,000 presidential tweets and statements, cross-referencing them against ancient Sumerian epigraphy and the wall art of Lascaux. According to Dr. Günter Flemm, senior semiotologist, “Both cave painters and modern leaders rely on simple symbols. It was only natural to chronicle ‘Mexico will pay for it’ next to handprints and lunar cycles, suggesting an unmet promise to harvest fruit from distant valleys.” While some linguists voiced skepticism, arguing these artifacts might confuse future anthropologists, museum officials say the labels are “misleading only in the way all history must be.”
Attendance has steadily increased, aided by the interactive “Tweet-A-Taur” chamber, where children use sticks dipped in berry juice to scrawl garbled slogans like “Fake News” alongside prehistoric bison. In the adjacent gift shop, stone tablets engraved with “Make Caves Great Again” are available for $24.95. There were reports of one visitor entering a fugue state after encountering the phrase “the oranges of the investigation” beside a vivid, orange-tinted aurochs.
As the exhibit prepares to embark on a national tour, AIHD staff remain optimistic about its educational potential. “We believe this will inspire generations to contemplate the arc of human intellect,” Dr. Pillman remarked. “And if not, at least we’ve ensured that future paleontologists will have ample material to ponder the meaning of ‘Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.’ etched on the same wall as a woolly rhino.” The exhibit is scheduled to run through midwinter, at which point the installation will be hermetically sealed in preparation for the next epoch of discovery.
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